New Blog..
Monday, June 29, 2009

So I went ahead and started off fresh with a new blog. Check it out....

It's Clearly Quite Absurd

It's still under construction a bit, but at least there is new material!

Posted byBrandon at 12:28 AM 0 comments  

What's Been Going On...
Thursday, June 18, 2009

It's been a while since my last update and in a way it's been refreshing. I use to always scoff at people who'd shut down or take time away from a blog/website due to it feeling like "a job," but I too know this feeling.

The obligation that I felt to update was overbearing at times and would lead me to occasionally update without fully thinking things through. I grew frustrated with my half processed thoughts being released onto the net and the lack of effort I'd put towards actually completing the goals attached. It all just finally caught up with me, and clashed with my new lifestyle... to have as little responsibility as possible.

See, this blog was created to show off my productivity and organizational skills. I hoped I would help other lost souls like me get their shit together. Instead, I ended up with a broken heap of emotions on a website that came off as pathetic and boring. While there are some very worthwhile posts, I just don't feel that this blog represents me the way I want it to. And to be honest, I don't really know if I want to blog to begin with.

I can give credit to my blog for really helping me see who I am, and who I want to be. I've finally found a peaceful place in myself where I feel both content and happiness. By eliminating the pressures that I put on myself, I've found that I can truly master my own destiny and do what I want to do. Last month I stood onto of a mountain, this past weekend I slept by the ocean. What's next? I do not know.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna come back to blogging or not. If I do, you'll probably see the blog wiped or a new one launched. I'll be focusing more on adventure than I will stress and that will hopefully make for a better read and a blog that I can be proud of. Until then..

B

Posted byBrandon at 1:31 AM 0 comments  

Live from Grandfather Mountain
Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Posted byBrandon at 1:05 PM 1 comments  

A Break and Remembrance
Saturday, April 25, 2009

I've been blogging pretty consistently for the past two years. Yeah, there has been a week or two break here and there, but for the most part I've been on it. I'm coming up on the first year of LifeOnMyTerms on May 18th and have decided it's time for a break.

I feel as if the blog has kinda bounced around as of late. There have a been a couple announcements that have gone undone (the day of "no electricity" and my relaunch of Project 365) and I just think I need some time to get re-focused and on the right track.

So, I've decided to take a temporary hiatus. I have no set time for a comeback, so it could be a week, a month, or who knows? I plan on getting some more indepth/not suitable for public journal entries going along with some self reflection. Like so many times in life, I feel as if I'm weathering a storm, and I think I need some time to let it pass.

But before I bow out for a while, I have something to talk about. Something that was going to be written Monday, but I want to go ahead and do it now....

On April 27th, 2008, a co-worker/acquaintance of mine killed herself. She was just nine-teen years old. She was a sweet girl, who I have fond memories of some great conversations and fun times while on the clock. And while there was no real relationship outside of work and Facebook... I miss her.

Some of my goals, and some of my views were definitely affected by her death last year. I guess you can say that I've been blessed, and never really had anyone real close to me die, so I never had to stomach the blow that comes with dealing with the aftermath. It really made me second guess my relationship with some people and my ability to be open and for them at any given time. I'd like to say at least a couple good things came out of Sam's passing.

With that being said, I want to just say that I remember the fun, positive, and bubbly girl who loved President Bush and her new iPhone. A girl who had a fun fascination with computer drawn chickens on Facebook and who made me bust a gut by saying, "Captain Jimtastic My Ass!" A great girl who was changing colleges because her first choice and major just did not fit. A girl I still wish I'd see when I open the door to box office every Sunday morning.


Rest in Peace : Samantha Green

March 5, 1989-April 27, 2008

Posted byBrandon at 5:01 AM 1 comments  

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Updates... The Week So Far
Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I'm slightly disappointed because I really hoped to complete a blog about detachment today. However, when dealing with this subject, a subject I haven't fully developed an opinion on, I'm struggling with getting it done. So I've decided to put it on hold until I can honestly write smart about it, and know where I want to go with it.

However, that doesn't mean I've been neglecting the site. I actually completed one of my goals over the past few days, and have been working on another. As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I decided to to publish a book containing old journal entries and blog posts. I was planning on splitting this into several paperback books and going from there.

But after some deliberation I've decided I'm going to proceed with the journal/blog book, however not in paperback form. Instead I'm going to publish the book in an eBook format. Why? Well, it's free, it's easy, and I can have color photos in it. Also, being that the book was going to be at least two, it not three mass-market size paperbacks, I can now just collect all my stories in one single file. Plus, if anyone really cares to hear what I have to say, dating back four years ago, well... its right there on your desktop.

So I've spent the night reformatting my paperback size file, and adding additional entries into the eBook. It's still a ways off, but I'm making progress.

I'm also considering rebooting my Project 365 in the next few days. Like I mentioned I want to focus on people, at least the first month (all that is truly required). While I don't think I can fill up all 30 days with pictures of people I know, I do think I can do at least 3/4th the month. Granted, this is going to mean a TON of pictures of people I work with, but hey, they are the ones I'm always around so it shall be.

Now I'm off to play some Grand Theft Auto : Chinawars on the DS.

Until next time...

Posted byBrandon at 2:28 AM 0 comments  

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An Iron Clad, Mexican Coke and a Baseball Game
Sunday, April 19, 2009

It's finally starting warm up outside and today I took full advantage of it. I decided to go ahead and knock out one of my North Carolina minor league baseball games and headed towards Kinston... home of Jamie Pressley (from "My Name is Earl") and well... nobody else worth mentioning. But most importantly its the home of the Kinston Indians, also affectionately known as the "K-Tribe!"

Kinston is about two hours from Raleigh so we started off fairly early in the afternoon figuring we'd run across something worth seeing. As we pulled into Kinston I immediately saw a sign for something I had read about on the net, the CSS Neuse.

The CSS Neuse was a Confederate Ironclad ship that was excavated back in the 1960's. Before today I couldn't honestly tell ya much about it, but after an incredible tour by our tour guide Holly.. I know it all! Basically, this ship was made by the Confederacy but before construction was completed it took some artillery damage. The Union attempted to burn it, but failed. Once repairs were made the ship ended up being stuck due to the fact that the iron was waiting off the coast in Wilmington with no way to get to the ship. Eventually all was well and the ship was assigned to go down river and take back the city of New Bern. Unfortunately it hit a sand bar and was stuck for over a month.

Once the river rose naturally and the ship came dislodged, they had no orders and basically just sat around. The crew however were former cavalrymen so they took up horseback and became the only Confederate Naval Calvary division.

The ship did see some action, but nothing too spectacular. Eventually it was scuttled by the crew and left in the river. Most of the iron was sold to a company in New York after the war and the ship just sat. In the 1960's a couple guys decided to take a couple weekends and pull the ship up from the bottom. They figured with the 100th anniversary of the war around the corner, it would be a cool thing to do and shouldn't be too hard. Of course the ship weighs liked 500 tons, so it didn't work out how they thought. They attempted to float it up via 50 gallon barrels and failed. They attempted to wedge it with trees and failed. Two years later they got it up and ended up in a legal battle with some lady who claimed to own the land the ship was on. After some time the state of North Carolina went ahead and took property of the ship and put it on display in Kinston.

Of course, they put it right next to the river so during several hurricanes it sustained flood damage. They are working on making an indoor exhibit well away from the river, but its still a couple years now. It sits under a "temporary" shelter (set up in 1998) a few hundred yards from the riverbank, right next to a museum for the first ever governor of North Carolina, Richard Caswell.

It's a pretty neat site to see, although it is just the bottom of the ship with a few iron pieces set to the side. It was a nice way to kill thirty minutes and like I said the tour was top notch. The museum has Revolutionary War items of Gov. Caswell and a small gift shop. The price is free.. which is always nice!






We decided to go ahead and find the ballpark so we'd know where to go. We drove right down the street and ran smack dab into it. Since we still had a few hours we decided to find a drink and just bum around some.

After having the hardest time finding an freakin ATM machine in a convenience store, we eventually stumbled upon a small BP which had some unique items in it. The first was these 16 oz Slam Cans from Pepsi. Basically its just a can of Pepsi that is long like one of those beer cans. But the coolest thing was in the next cooler.



Basically, I found some Coke bottles that were much larger than the usual 8 oz ones I find. I grab two figuring we could drink them when we got home (since we had no bottle opener on us) and we left. As soon as I got in the car I noticed something unusual about the bottle.. it was made in Mexico.



Immediately my mind started thinking about all the articles I had read about Mexican Coke. The gist of it is, Coke in Mexico is still made with sugar, not high fructose corn syrup. People who actually drank Coke in glass bottles claim this is the real Coke from their youth and its more flavorful and less syrupy. I started talking outloud as I flipped the Coke bottle over to the ingredients label and then I saw it.... SUGAR!

I kinda marked out like a school girl and sent Steph in to buy every last one in stock. I had never tasted Coke with real sugar but I wanted to be able to try it at least twice. We ended up with six bottles altogether and went on our merry way.

Since coming home a little Googling explained that many Costco's and Mexican grocery stores sell Coke made with sugar. However a premium cost is usually attached. They only cost us .99 a piece so I'm not complaining. There is a TON of commentary on this, so I recommend a Google search if you are interested in why Coke in America doesn't use sugar and so on.

We chilled the Cokes when we got home and I opened one up and well.. what they say is true. Man is it less syrupy! It tastes fantastic, but then again I think most soft drinks in glass bottles do. Pepsi has announced both Pepsi Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback which will be made with pure sugar, while Dr. Pepper in Waco still makes some sugar cane versions. I'll definitely be trying out the Pepsi when it gets here and I recommend the Coke to anybody that finds a bottle.

After a little more bumming and a quick North Carolina BBQ sandwich we headed to the ballpark to see The Winston-Salem Dash take on the Kinston Indians. Grainger Field is celebrating it's 60th Anniversary, although the renovations over the years make it hard to notice. The field is pretty small, but nice and crowd was into the game. Tickets were only $6, and the concession was more than reasonable. It was a fun outing, but definitely not on the same level as Greensboro and Durham. However, I'm glad to say I've been to an Indians game, but I don't think Kinston will be high on my repeat visit list.





All in all it was a great day. I got a little sunburn on top of my newly shaven head and Mexican Coke. What more could I ask for?!

Posted byBrandon at 12:04 AM 1 comments  

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Jedi Assignement # 2 : Negativity
Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A few short years after high school I began to struggle with my faith. I tossed and turned, stressed and worried and eventually started having some really horrible thoughts. Lucky for me, I had enough common sense to tell my father who recommended I seek a little mental health. A few weeks later I'm walking around diagnosed with "clinical depression."

I got some happy pills, started to take them and really didn't feel any different. About a month into my treatment I decided I was done with these weekly chat sessions combined with medication and I just stopped everything. Against doctor's orders, I didn't take anymore pills and just stopped attending the sessions.

I didn't buy that I was actually "clinically depressed." I knew I was depressed, I mean, I was nineteen or twenty years old, trying to accept the fact that I no longer believed in the God I worshiped and loved, and that I would be spending eternity in the fiery pits of hell. Plus the fact that my record with girls was far from impressive, I really seemed to have a reason to be depressed.

I was young, angry, frustrated, confused... you know the normal adult stuff. But then I started to look at the bigger picture, and started to think about people during the Wild West, who had so much more to worry about, and be down about, but didn't have shrinks to go to. I started to realize my suburban upbringing was not the end of the world, and while there are certain elements that are definitely detrimental to a child's development such as divorce/re-marriage, etc., I was actually a functioning member of society.

Nonetheless, that simple diagnoses, has haunted me for years. I don't talk about it, because well, I guess I feel inferior by saying that I was actually diagnosed with a medical condition. And despite feeling mis-diagnosed, I sometimes wonder when I write the occasion late night blog, when I'm worrying or making a huge ordeal out of something small, that I'm not so much in control of my life as I think I am and that scares me.

But by really researching the fundamentals that make up this Jediism, you really see people that believe in working from the inside out. Making yourself at peace, before moving on in life. I've started taking these teachings, combined with some Taoism and really started applying it in everyday situations.

One of the most prominent places I've been working on is with my own emotions. I tend to be a very emotional person, and my emotions are easily guided. Music is my enemy when it comes to this, because a few slow songs in a row, and I'm ready to crawl up in a corner by myself. However, my love for all music has prevented me to ever avoid songs that may cause certain feelings that aren't so positive. So I still enjoy and take in all music. That's something that is going to change.

But where I fight the most with my emotions is on the day-to-day interaction with people. Trying to stay cool, calm, and collected in stressful situations, such as dealing with a hostile employee or customer. I've managed to be pretty successful in not letting my anger consume me when I feel wronged, and not lashing back even completely understandable.

This is what I want most from life. I want to be able to keep my heart rate stable, when dealing with volatile situations, but while inside accepting my strong emotions, understanding them, and eventually learning from them.

I think of it like a hot stove in a way. For example; if I know that my anger will come out when someone challenges my authority, then why do I allow it to happen each time. Why not allow the anger to come, work to a more clear headed solution, and then learn from this anger. Realize that anger will arise in this situation, but do not allow it the next time. It's like burning your hand, you know that the stove is hot, so do everything to avoid touching it the next time.

And while anger is my enemy number one, I'm also talking about dealing with other emotions; everything from sadness to frustration. I must learn to allow these emotions to flow through me, but not consume me. By consuming me, I'm allowing whatever was the cause of these to win. I must instead allow these emotions to come to be, and then simply allow them to dissipate as they should. Not sit in my gut, or consume my mind throughout the day.

So, how am I working on making these things happen? Well like my main motivation for researching Easter philosophies/Jediism, I think of how a Jedi would react. Kinda my own WWJD... what would a Jedi do? I think of being calm, allowing the other side of release their emotions, while keeping mine in check. By having this clear head, I'm able to work to a more stable solution, quickly, efficiently, and easily. The lack of friction in these transactions, also allows for me to put the experience behind me and move on instantly, instead of dwelling upon it all day.

And while I don't necessary believe in a "God" or "Force," it was extremely amusing and coincidental that I was tested on this several times this past Monday. I dealt with two situations, both extremely different but difficult, and managed to approach them with this new outlook in hand. While both situations had very different outcomes (one good/one bad), I walked away with a smile both times, was able to easily laugh off the situations and have not dwelled upon them at all. Normally, a misjustice would just leech onto my every thought, and up until a day later, I could still re-experience this anger/frustration over and over each time my mind revisited it. Instead, I dealt with the situation and moved on. Amazing how easy and how well it worked.

The other efforts I've put forward to make my life less emotional/negative, is to eliminate negative things from my life. People of course, are the most damning when it comes to negativity, but luckily for me, I've done my best to avoid negative people. So there aren't too many changes that will have to be done with that.

But music is a whole other topic. Tonight I begin my quest to eliminate any sort of media that is just not healthy for me. I am totally against any sort of censorship, with exception to self-censorship of course. I feel that listening to the same old "life sucks," "I'm so sad I could cry," bullshit over and over all day just cannot be good for your mind or your soul. While I'm not saying go hug a tree and start listening to "Heal the World" or anything, just for someone whose emotions are easily manipulated by music, I feel that by not listening to music that is negative, I can only benefit.

I am also going to start re-evaluating some of the movie/video game/book choices that I make. For example; one of my favorite movies is "Fight Club." But "Fight Club" does nothing but put me in a downer mood. While there is some great motivation for getting back to the basics of mankind, the complete self destruction phase is just too much on my mind. It's honestly almost as bad as reading the news each day, something else I plan on eliminating. Just as I've pretty much avoided discussing politics (with exception of this past Monday), but it something else that only leads to extreme emotions.

It's funny, because you pretty much have to de-attach (something I'll be talking about soon) and create a self-seclusion, until you get your own mind in order. You must eliminate these negative outside influences that are constantly pulling, in order to best put your mind in a good place. Of course, its totally impossible to avoid negativity in the world we live in, but its totally possible to not allow it to affect us. Things will happen, some we can control, some we cannot. We must learn to live in the present and take things as they come.

I truly believe by eliminating these negative things in my life, some of these late night depressing posts will be eliminated. I can see only good that will come from this, so I owe it to myself to give it a try.

Posted byBrandon at 1:09 AM 1 comments  

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